Why do most cyclists suck? Open invitation to the Church of Misfit Cyclists and Same Day Saints

Serious here.  Every time I meet another cyclist, I'm totally put off.   I just can't take the elitism / know-it-all attitude... Meet this dude at the north shore century and he was lecturing me about how "there's a time and place for 26 inch wheels" and it's not on a century.  I ride a 26 wheeled LHT.  I was like, man, I road this across the country... come at me bro.  I've been riding seriously since like 92... don't lecture me about biking.  Or perhaps it's me?  I guess not everyone appreciates my dead hooker jokes?  


Anyway, I'm looking for beer driven degenerates like myself who like to bike because it's awesome... because it makes you feel like a million flying erections.  Not because you're saving the earth, or that ti frames, vintage frames, carbon frames give you some chubb.  I want to booze, bitch about my wife, job, and generally thumb my nose at societal norms - e.g. making dick-fart jokes, laughing at fat brides eating an obscene amount of cake, talking about lesbian scissoring, etc.  I don't want to hear about your community food co-op or how you and your wife don't have a car and you haul your kids around on one of those third world cargo bikes, or any similar hippy-feminist bullshit for that matter.

We need to take this sport back from hipsters, elitists, hammerhead health nuts, triathletes and know-it-all half asses.  I you are like minded and appreciate such irreverence, come worship with me on the next weather permitting sunday at the Church of Misfit Cyclists and Same Day Saints.  Contact Elder Mitch via PM for details.  Praise his name.  

Views: 2143

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Anne Alt on January 3, 2013 at 7:50am

Um, yeah, but that looks like a reply to me.  Any attempt at sarcasm may have been lost in the ether.  ;)

Mike Zumwalt said:

I'm not replying to this thread.
Permalink Reply by blair on January 3, 2013 at 7:52am

+1000

notoriousDUG said:

You had me up till the point you went off onto the 'hate filled douche' tangent there.

I agree there is, at times, a need to remove the elitism from cycling but I do not think that the manner to do it is to yourself become an elitist.  The second you bash roadies, carbon nuts, hipsters or cargo moms you have become EXACTLY the person you described at the start who was bashing 26" wheels; think about it.

Permalink Reply by Anne Alt on January 3, 2013 at 7:55am

With bikes, as with art or music, there is no one "right" answer that works for everyone.  Live and let live.  Ride whatever bike(s) will make you happy.

Permalink Reply by Vitaliy on January 3, 2013 at 8:07am

Amen.

Permalink Reply by David Barish on January 3, 2013 at 8:21am

Sure, this may be a bit puppy dogs and moonbeams but I agree.  Biking is fun and it makes me happy.  That being said, if getting it off your chest makes you feel good, go get 'em and hallelujah.  Anne and I will be drinking a beer...because it tastes good.  We might be sharing it with a fixie riding gal with an awkward piercing as long as she keeps the dissonance down and has a good story to tell. We might be sharing it with a borderline Asbergers cyclo nerd who loves to talk tech as long as he lets us get a word in edgewise. We might have a round with a couple of frat boys who ring their bell every time a comely cyclist rides by as long as they show a little respect.

We might pedal along furiously with the Walter Mitty peleton as they crank their expensive carbon wonders.  I suspect we will let them go if we see a cool sight and decide to take a picture and share it with Gene.  Enjoy the ride guys and gals. Remember, its always more fun when we have a minyan. Its safer too.

To stay with the religious motif of the thread, we don't see a fire and brimstone biking God- Thou Shalt ride 20 mph!  We don't see the cynical cycling deity of your church.  its more of a liberal theology. However, we are humble enough to feel that we don't have the answer. Any one of us could be right and likely we are all wrong.  Either way, we will ride this interfaith thing and salute you either way. ride on.

Anne Alt 2-10 said:

With bikes, as with art or music, there is no one "right" answer that works for everyone.  Live and let live.  Ride whatever bike(s) will make you happy.

Permalink Reply by Anne Alt on January 3, 2013 at 8:29am

Well said yet again.  Cheers!

David Barish 13.9 said:

... Enjoy the ride guys and gals. Remember, its always more fun when we have a minyan. Its safer too.

To stay with the religious motif of the thread, we don't see a fire and brimstone biking God- Thou Shalt ride 20 mph!  We don't see the cynical cycling deity of your church.  its more of a liberal theology. However, we are humble enough to feel that we don't have the answer. Any one of us could be right and likely we are all wrong.  Either way, we will ride this interfaith thing and salute you either way. ride on.

Permalink Reply by globalguy on January 3, 2013 at 9:46am

+1

Serge Lubomudrov said:

David Barish 13.9 said:

[. . .] we are humble enough to feel that we don't have the answer.
I do. But I'm not tellin'.
Permalink Reply by dietrich77 on January 3, 2013 at 10:01am

Just as I assumed.  No one in this community can take a joke.  Fuck your couch Duppie.  

Permalink Reply by Haddon on January 3, 2013 at 12:49pm

OP is obviously trolling and is an attention whore, please take it back to 4chan.

Permalink Reply by Kevin C Dormant on January 3, 2013 at 1:54pm

Too ethnic.

h' 1.0 said:

Anyone ever tell you you bear a striking resemblance to Harold Lipschitz?

dietrich77 said:

Just as I assumed.  No one in this community can take a joke.  Fuck your couch Duppie.  

Permalink Reply by Haddon on January 3, 2013 at 2:34pm

Did Harold LIpschitz become a member of the chainlink? If he comes to the next ride that would be pretty cool right?

Permalink Reply by Haddon on January 3, 2013 at 3:30pm

I mean Harold Lipschitz right? do you think he's in good with Abe Vigoda? I think it would be great to say I rode with Abe Vigoda, who wouldn't be up for that right?  He probably has a 3 wheeler but still. I'm really excited about this, who knows who might put up next perhaps Sally Struthers might come out for next months ride.  AWESOME. Tell me I'm not alone on this.

RSS

Groups

© 2008-2016   The Chainlink Community, L.L.C.   Powered by

Disclaimer  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service