I have followed some threads here lately that have mused on rules, laws and whether they should be strictly enforced. I have read thoughtful posts from many and often at variance with one another. I thought about those discussions after this happened to me this morning.
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“Do you know that you are not supposed to be riding on the sidewalk?”
“Yes. I know that. I just got on the sidewalk at the corner over there and rode like a pedestrian to this spot where I am waiting for some friends.”
“That doesn’t matter, you are not supposed to be riding on the sidewalk,do you know that?”
“Yes, I know that…” This conversation kept revolving around my knowledge of the law and my affirmation that I knew the law and was taking it into account yet had carefully proceeded on the sidewalk. We were outside a Starbucks at 6:20 am on a Summer morning with very few people up and about.
I tried to reassure her that I had heard her and was being mindful that at the moment I was on the sidewalk I was an interloper. She was having none of it. I had passed a man walking on the sidewalk seconds before meeting her and had given him wide berth. I did not blow by him but slowly rolled past him. At the moment I had passed the man I thought about the times I roll from the Dearborn bike lane about 50 feet to the nearby bike rack letting any pedestrians safely go by.
My accuser was not a pedestrian. I think she had just alighted from Starbucks and was getting into her car on the street in front of the outdoor tables and chairs where I had hoped to have a few minutes of repose after my ride from home and before I rode off with my friends towards breakfast. These Wednesday morning rides are a bliss spot on my calendar. I had hoped to lower my heart rate from the early morning first portion of my commute and take in the slowly increasing workaday movement of the city, watching the urban mise en scene unfold before meeting some good friends. Instead, I was engaged in an arguement I did not want to have.
“You don’t seem to understand. You are not supposed to be on the sidewalk.”
“I really do understand that and think my behavior reflected that I was aware that I wasn’t supposed to be there. I really am hearing you.”
“No, you are not hearing me. You are not apologizing and do not seem to care that you were on the sidewalk.”
By this time, my bliss having evaporated, I was miffed and felt she was like a booger I could not shake off of the end of my finger.
“No. I really do hear you and notwithstanding your shrill tone (and she really had one) your message has come through. Have a good day.”
“You are just entitled. You think you can do whatever you want.” I decided not to interrupt and sat down in one of the chairs, closed my eyes, drank my water and tried in vain to find my Zen place which could not be located.
“If you had hit me I would sue you and collect lots of damages and it would be precedent setting.”
“Listen, one, I would not hit you. When I was on the sidewalk I was very conscious of my fellow humans and watched out for them and I would be careful to watch for you. Two, if I did hit you, you would be entitled to damages because I should not hit you and you are right that it would be my fault and not yours, but still, I am watching out and would not hit you. Three, it would not be precedent setting, this has happened before and people have recovered. This is not new. Either way, Yes. I agree that you are right. The pedestrian should be protected…”
“You are not listening,” she replied and by this time she was absolutely right. For my sanity’s sake I was trying to ignore her but I was not succeeding. She stood outside of her car holding a cigarette butt and continued, “I am not going to throw this in the street because that is illegal and I would be fined. I wouldn’t park here after [whatever time she mentioned] or I would get a ticket.”
I really tried to listen and really tried to engage at first and then I really tried to ignore her and none of this worked. I wanted to kill this conversation and against my better judgement said, “Hey, I don’t know what happened to you or what past trauma is at play here or driving this black/white insistence on rules, but I just want to sit and relax, can you just leave me alone? You have been heard. Know that, Please leave me alone.”
She got in her car but before driving away, she stopped and rolled down the passenger window and gave me her parting shot, “You set a bad example for children.”
My friends arrived less than a minute after she had left, each of them slowly and carefully rolling in on their bikes, one of them careful to let a woman with a stroller pass him by. I told them about my encounter and we rode off allowing me to recover my bliss. We ate outdoors and had a stimulating conversation about a million things none of them pertaining to my earlier encounter.
Later, when I got to the bike rack outside my office I saw a bike locked taking up the entire rack which could have housed at least four bikes. I was miffed and commented to a fellow rider who was also just locking up that the blocker was an “entitled asshole” . Where did that come from? Why did I say that? I think I was unfairly categorizing the unknown rider because I was still salty from my chat with the Sidewalk Nazi. I gently moved the bike into a more perpendicular positon to allow other bikes and was careful to make sure the bike was still standing and locked to the rack. While we were both still locking up a guy came to unlock the offending bike. We barely looked at each other. I kept my mouth shut and went to work while he rode away.
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I have been fascinated by the Sanders Huckabee story and the discussion that followed but didn't think about it when I wrote this true story...at least consciously. After reading your post I wonder how much it informed my reaction to my accusor and to the arc of the narrative. Wow. Thank you.
Of course angry enraged people want to be right.
Of course we should respond to angry uncivil actions with civility.
If we avoid engaging upon uncivil actions they will only multiply and deteriorate society further.
The person David mentioned was engaging in an activity (smoking) that is considered a bad example for children. Oh, the hypocrisy! Oh, we should not call that out . Oh sure, you're right, I apologize and leave. I shudder to think what an upcoming violator might experience from this emboldened self-righteous person.
"Those without sin may cast the first stone."
I studied with a self-defense teacher who encouraged us to make up a back-story to excuse irrational confrontations like this so that we could avoid getting emotionally drawn in. For example, in David’s story i might imagine, “oh wow, she’s just walked away from her partner of 20 years, who is abandoning her for a younger lover, after she ‘did everything right’ and sacrificed so much for their relationship... she’s crushed and is snapping at the first rule-breaker she sees...” When i’m with-it enough to apply this, it really helps me meet people with compassion. Or at the very least to offer a contrite apology and walk away.
Sadly i am often pulled in despite my best intentions!
Also, i think it’s important to distinguish between situations like this where the aggressor is technically in the right but milking it for emotional reasons of their own, and the kind of cynical finger-pointing of the bully who’s just gotten hit back after harrassing a classmate all year. That’s a favorite trolling strategy that i encounter live every once in a while, too.
A thought-provoking opinion piece I read last week regarded the conflating of "civility" with "politeness" or "gentility."
Being less evolved, however, I personally still reserve the right to tell some to "f@ck off" when they cross the line with me. After 57 years, I'm still a work in progress.
Good story Dave, but I'm having a hard time trying to picture one bike locked to a rack, taking up the entire rack, which apparently can hold four (4) bikes. What kind of rack was it?
And I loved " I was miffed and felt she was like a booger I could not shake off of the end of my finger. " Laughing as I read it.
picture the new inverted U locks in the loop. Sometimes there are multiple U's with one U next to an upside down U next to another U. If bikes park perpendicular to the rack four bikes can park on each U with one on the outside and one on the inside of each vertical section of the U. This guy parked across a triple U in a parallel fashion thereby reducing the capacity from six or eight to two or perhaps three bikes. Such parking is fine in lower volume areas or at off hours but during business hours in the loop bike parking spots are less than bike parking demand.
I will have to keep an eye out for these, as the only bike racks I've seen (with the exception of the sinusoidal ones) are the standard U shape. These are designed for two bikes, one on each side. I've seen people hang their bikes in the middle, but this technique really damages the paint on the down tube.
I see this too often on some racks in the general vicinity of Dearborn and Monroe. There are some really selfish rack hogs out there.
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