Dealing with anti-cycling "friends"

One of my friends (co-worker, actually) posted on Facebook that he had an encounter with a rude cyclist, and he couldn't wait to see the cyclist's ghost bike.

I don't know about anyone else here, but I know there are rude cyclists, just as there are rude drivers, but I don't wish any of them dead. I said as much, and told him he was wrong for wishing the cyclist dead and should be ashamed. He responded that he didn't really care about my opinion and I should keep it to myself, to which I responded that he invited my opinion when he offered his. So he defriended me.

That's all I got really, just a basic Facebook pissing contest. Do you ever encounter "friends" (or people you just know) who hate on cyclists? How do you deal with them? I can let a lot of stuff slide by, but I draw the line at hoping to see a cyclist's ghost bike.

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Permalink Reply by David Barish on January 8, 2013 at 11:06am

I looked at the original post.  Its one of those conversations you know will not end well.  How many of us had that same conversation on perhaps a political issue this past autumn? We all have social media friends who voted for "the other candidate" or disagree with us about bikes, religion, something or just about everything.

I agree. Don't engage. Its not going to get you anywhere.  Every once in a while somebody says something either provocative or stupid and a good discussion emerges.  I think that is rare, especially when the conversation is done with fingers rather than tongues.  The original comment is usually a good clue to what kind of listener you are dealing with.  I argue enough every day (attorney) so I I generally avoid dissonance during my time off.   Sure, we all get baited. Sometimes there is something said that just calls to you and seems to force you to post or open your yap.  Its hard to have the self discipline to simply ignore that stimulus. I have the same problem with pizza.

Permalink Reply by Will on January 8, 2013 at 11:30am

I agree that engaging is not a good idea, but really I draw the line at having someone say they wish a cyclist (or anyone, really) dead. I wonder if people like that tortured animals when they were kids. I wonder what kind of regard they have for life. I wonder what kind of car they drive, so I can stay the hell away from them when I ride.

Permalink Reply by Michelle S on January 8, 2013 at 12:47pm

I think this kind of thread is one of the best things about Chainlink, because honestly, no one else "gets it" when these kinds of conversation crop up. People who primarily drive around in motor vehicles especially don't understand how hurtful the comments they make are, because they don't understand the fears and risks we face every day, even when we're careful when riding, and do everything "right". Anyway, I advise a zen approach, feeling grateful that you're you in this scenario and not the hater.

Permalink Reply by Donna Nitz on January 8, 2013 at 4:37pm
I agree with everybody here saying this is someone you don't need in your life. That person is setting up some bad karma for themselves. What goes around comes around. You are a better person.
Permalink Reply by Mark Potts on January 8, 2013 at 5:43pm

I say let them know, people need to be told they are assholes.  Otherwise they may gain nothing but validation and grow even worse.

---->share the road<----

The world needs to thank cyclists, especially commuter cyclists.  We are helping to clean this place up on many levels.

Permalink Reply by We all have an inner Beast... on January 8, 2013 at 7:05pm

I have to kind of agree with Mark Potts on this one.

It's kind of like not saying or doing anything after your dog has pee'd and pooped on the carpet. All you do is clean up the mess. He/she will just assume that it's okay.

I would confront him at work ( I don't care if he's my boss or he's mine, because he probably will think that I should die because of some project I didn't finish on time or did better than him) and ask him, in front of other co-workers why "he did something as childish as unfriend you on facebook because he wished someone died?".

Be prepared, you may have to elaborate during the conversation and explain that he wished death on some cyclist for being rude - which is what he was now doing to you.

"Is that what you want others to think should happen to you, now that you are being rude?" would be one of my questions. All of this conversation would be in a calm, cool, and disarming voice, allowing him to get his "true" self to come out. Remember, co-workers are watching so there may be some bravado that wells up in him.

This serves 2 purposes:

1-You address the situation in a public setting, thus you have witnesses if something happens, and

2-You get his fellow co-workers to know what kind of human-being they now have working with/around them

 

The key to keeping calm is for you to remember that no matter what, you are not going to "friend" him after this conversation. Not on FB or in real life.

As for work...that is an individual that will slowly self destruct due to his thoughts and actions.

Let him be. He will move on or out.

Maybe he might even apologize to you or even change his attitude towards cyclists (especially the one that was "rude")

If not, no big loss either way.

Just my 2 cents.

 

 

Respectfully,

 

Manny
 
Mark Potts said:

I say let them know, people need to be told they are assholes.  Otherwise they may gain nothing but validation and grow even worse.

---->share the road<----

The world needs to thank cyclists, especially commuter cyclists.  We are helping to clean this place up on many levels.

Permalink Reply by Nick W on January 11, 2013 at 6:44am

To the original poster: You don't need this person in your life. Don't let the co-worker live rent-free in your head, no matter how irascible and unreasonable he/she may be. People like that don't know what they're missing out on by not cycling. You've got thousands of people on this forum behind you that can all empathize. Keep the rubber side down.

Interesting point. I commute during rush hour on Michigan, about 1.5 mi., and if I have the choice, I gravitate toward buses. I feel safer near them because their movements are more predictable.


Allen Johnson said:

This older lady once said, 'I hope you get hit by a city bus!' I replied, 'Me too!', because all cyclists know that sticking close to a Cta bus is about the safest bet on the streets. They'd never wanna have to pay off a cyclist injured or worse by a government employee.
Permalink Reply by Bob on January 11, 2013 at 6:44am

my coworker just told me that she was laughing so hard at a George Carlin skit about cyclist riding their "toys" and hoping they get hit! i don't know who i dislike more for this comment George Carlin or my coworker?!

Permalink Reply by Doug Haynes on January 11, 2013 at 7:00am

This makes no sense...



Allen Johnson said:

This older lady once said, 'I hope you get hit by a city bus!' I replied, 'Me too!', because all cyclists know that sticking close to a Cta bus is about the safest bet on the streets. They'd never wanna have to pay off a cyclist injured or worse by a government employee.
Permalink Reply by Apie (11) on January 11, 2013 at 7:06am

none at all.  I feel most buses try to scare me

notoriousDUG said:

This makes no sense...



Allen Johnson said:

This older lady once said, 'I hope you get hit by a city bus!' I replied, 'Me too!', because all cyclists know that sticking close to a Cta bus is about the safest bet on the streets. They'd never wanna have to pay off a cyclist injured or worse by a government employee.
Permalink Reply by Holly on January 11, 2013 at 7:16am

Allen-- For your personal safety, please reconsider your position on CTA buses. I know people who've been hit by them. It's not particularly safe (in the least) to shadow a bus. And, the idea that there's a great pay out in store if you do get hit by one is not very sound either. 



Apie 10.64 said:

none at all.  I feel most buses try to scare me

notoriousDUG said:

This makes no sense...



Allen Johnson said:

This older lady once said, 'I hope you get hit by a city bus!' I replied, 'Me too!', because all cyclists know that sticking close to a Cta bus is about the safest bet on the streets. They'd never wanna have to pay off a cyclist injured or worse by a government employee.
Permalink Reply by Ultreya on January 11, 2013 at 7:20am

"One of my friends (co-worker, actually) posted on Facebook that he had an encounter with a rude cyclist, and he couldn't wait to see the cyclist's ghost bike."

That is incredibly fucked up.

While in film school, I approached a professor I thought I liked about being my thesis advisor.  The prof read my script (a narrative about a female bike messenger) and said he refused because he hates cyclists and couldn't be supportive of my film.  I said, "You've got to be kidding me."  He reported that he cycled to work ONCE and he obeyed every single traffic law / stop sign / stoplight on the way, so he doesn't see why all those cyclists who don't feel they are above it. I made a few counterarguments, one of which included rolling my eyes at him cycling "ONCE" (why not more than once? Scared of the drivers out there, eh???)  but didn't press the issue.  But I totally lost respect for him as a person based on that. 

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