Trying to turn an argument with a motorist into a teaching moment

I had an interesting conversation this morning with a motorist where after an exchange she apologized at the next light. I was having a hard time accepting her apology because I didn’t feel that she was apologizing for the right thing and wanted to turn this into a teaching moment. I’m not sure I succeeded, but I think the exchange shows some of the challenges that bikes as transportation advocates face and wanted to know how people here would have handled it.

 

The basic situation was as follows. I was proceeding straight through an intersection with motorized traffic moving to my left at a slightly faster speed. Traffic began to slow as someone started slowing for a left turn. The driver (I’ll call her Jane Doe since names make story telling easier) then honked and pulled out to pass the turning vehicle on the right. At this point Jane was slightly behind me and shocked to see me in front of her. She then proceeded to pass me very close and I was forced closer to the park cars and deeper into the slush than I was really comfortable. Once Jane was passed and I was comfortably back to clean pavement I expressed my displeasure at her actions with a hand sign.

 

At the next light she rolled down her window to apologize saying that she wasn’t honking at me she was honking at the car in front of her. I kept trying to explain that I wasn’t mad at her for honking, I was mad at her for putting me in danger by passing dangerously. While the honking is annoying, my real problem was her flawed assumption that the lane would just be clear and she could just move over without checking. This was compounded by that fact her reaction to the lane not being clear wasn’t to slow down and wait for a safe opportunity to pass, but instead to dangerously squeeze through. I couldn’t seem to get my point across that I wasn’t upset about the honking but very upset about her dangerous driving. I didn’t want an apology unless it was for the real problem and she had learned something.

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Permalink Reply by mike w. on December 15, 2010 at 7:31am

All the same, at least she had the good graces to apologise for something. She'll probably get the point later today.

Permalink Reply by BalloonBiker on December 15, 2010 at 7:36am

It's really hard to get your point across....especially when they think it's a different point entirely.  I actually had something similar happen last week. Same scenario, but without the honking.  I yelled as the car was trying to merge into my position in traffic, which got the Black BMW SUV's attention.  Then, the the driver proceeded to drive next to me, with the window open, apologizing for 3 blocks.

 

I'm pretty sure they got the point.

 

I think that making cars aware of these things helps to make them more aware in the future...even if they don't get the point.

Permalink Reply by Mark on December 15, 2010 at 10:51am

I always make a point to not swear or give the finger.  Instead, I give a big WTF? glare.  I've gotten several drivers and peds to say "sorry" with this technique.  Although I have started yelling at door openers lately to try and create teaching moments.  Again, not swearing, because then the only words they hear are blah, blah, blah...

Permalink Reply by Christopher on December 15, 2010 at 12:28pm

When I encounter door openers I muster the loudest deepest animal-type noise I can -- think German Shepherd right before a drug bust.  I find that people are terrified by such noises, and upon hearing a loud bark from their driver's side blind spot, they usually dive back into their vehicles and shut the door quickly, allowing me to pass safely. 

Permalink Reply by Tank-Ridin' Ryan on December 15, 2010 at 2:13pm

BK has a refillable air horn on one of his bikes.

Serge Lubomudrov said:

BTW, yelling, let along ringing the bell often will not be efficient, with all other noises around. Does anyone use (has used) an air horn? You know, one of those with a can of pressurised gas . . . quite loud little things they are!

Permalink Reply by Far'arned Retrogrumpalunkus #63 on December 16, 2010 at 8:45am

I have an AirZound air horn but it is just too much crap to add to the bike in addition to all the other crap I've got on my bars (light, speedo, bell, GPS mount).

 

It's not something you'd want to leave out on the bike either while it is locked up outside as I bet it would get stolen but it isn't very quick-release even if you do keep the bottle in a bottle cage.  It's too much horsing around putting on and off.

 

It's great for Mass though!

Permalink Reply by Juan 2-3 or more mi. on December 16, 2010 at 10:02am

This is exactly why I am forced to take the sidewalk sometimes. There is just too much mucky slush to share the road with the driving cattle. I have had a coworker get mowed down by a douche in a blazer riding along in those tight stretches. I still value my bicycling existence on this godforsaken rock.

Permalink Reply by J.P. on December 16, 2010 at 10:07am
I feel you're pain, Cameron. But be cautious about confronting motorists about anything. They do have a deadly weapon very handy and some are not afraid to use it.
Permalink Reply by Anne Alt on December 16, 2010 at 10:39am

I find that yelling "stop" at someone opening a door, followed by a polite "please look before opening your door" usually works.

Mark said:

I always make a point to not swear or give the finger.  Instead, I give a big WTF? glare.  I've gotten several drivers and peds to say "sorry" with this technique.  Although I have started yelling at door openers lately to try and create teaching moments.  Again, not swearing, because then the only words they hear are blah, blah, blah...

Permalink Reply by Mark on December 17, 2010 at 10:30am

I should also add that I also try to thank drivers with a wave if I think they went beyond what I would expect from the average driver.  I gave out three waves on the way in to work today.

Permalink Reply by Mike Zumwalt on December 17, 2010 at 5:47pm

You guys sound too nice. I give a bang on the hood, trunk,mirror, window and in my head feel like busting the window out with my U-lock and then say "oh sorry that was pretty close to your face!"

 

Permalink Reply by Anne Alt on December 18, 2010 at 1:46am

I also like this approach. 

Mark said:

I should also add that I also try to thank drivers with a wave if I think they went beyond what I would expect from the average driver.  I gave out three waves on the way in to work today.

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