An apology and explanation

Hello. You, male biker on a road bike with Brooks saddle and pannier, and I got into an argument this morning. I want to explain my behavior and apologize. I did hear your bell behind me. I also just had passed a car leaving a parking space. I didn’t know what your bell indicated. I ring my bell for lots of reasons: to give a “heads up” to pedestrians; to alert a driver with a car door open; and to bring a smile to a child’s face. Even though I had ear buds in - awaiting a call from a surgeon - I heard your bell. I just didn’t know what it meant. When you passed, I was surprised and - likely curtly - asked for an “on your left”. You stated that you rang your bell and that was enough. I was taken aback - first by fear of hitting another biker and secondly by your angry response. I also noted your anger with my ear buds - likely not directed just at me. 

The stop sign approached. I know that I didn’t have the right of way, but I made a judgment call. Stop at a stop sign where an angry male was awaiting me or go through the stop out of turn. I went. I was shaking from our exchange at Lake. You approached me again, yelling at my biking. I turned onto Washington and did what I always do - follow traffic laws the rest of the way. 

I am am fully accountable for my choices and behavior. I’m sorry that I yelled cursory language at you as you biked off down Clinton. I also am sorry to the drivers of cars and others. I am embarrassed. I value everyone’s lives and safety. I violated my own values. It’s hard to sit with. 

But I ask you to consider this: As a woman biker in Chicago - 25 years and counting - I am used to being harassed by male pedestrians, drivers and bikers alike. I arrive to work scared about once every three weeks and it has nothing to do with my biking. I call my husband crying, and he listens. I take a few days off, walking to work, and then try again. 

Im not saying that you were going to harm me. It’s just scary out there, and I wanted to offer another perspective. 

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by curt(is) locke on June 17, 2019 at 9:49am

She really doesn't need to 'plain it to you and the "chain of events" anymore than what she already has shared here in a public forum. Your need to judge her here is now more curious. What's that about? aLex owned her own culpability in her narrative, why is that not enough for you? Your parsing and picking apart her story suggests issues of yours that have little to do with this incident.  File under "Male Fragility"?

Permalink Reply by Tooscrapps on June 17, 2019 at 10:10am

Owned, absolved herself, whatever.

When the actual details of "what/where/when" don't add up, it hurts the credibility and understanding of the "why".

Permalink Reply by curt(is) locke on June 17, 2019 at 1:06pm

What's that between your neck and your helmet?

Whatever, indeed.

Permalink Reply by Filka Bean on June 19, 2019 at 11:25am

There’s a hilarious video in the making here if anyone has a deli number dispenser they’ll lend me...

Permalink Reply by curt(is) locke on June 17, 2019 at 7:45am

For what it's worth and not to belabor this, but a bell is NOT exactly the same as "on your left" -- there's a lot of ambiguity with a bell.

Permalink Reply by mike w. on June 17, 2019 at 3:13pm

IMO, the bell merely signals "i'm here." Usually, that's enough.

Permalink Reply by TonyP on June 17, 2019 at 4:08pm

Yep, you're here, I'm aware.

It doesn't matter if the bell is dinged to make a kid smile or to let me know someone's there, if a bell is heard that usually means that a bicycle is on the move somewhere around me, and I should pull my head out of my ass and pay attention.

Ambiguous or not.

Permalink Reply by curt(is) locke on June 18, 2019 at 2:15am

So it only takes a ring from a bike bell to get you to pull your head out of your ass? Good to know.

Ding-ding!

Permalink Reply by TonyP on June 18, 2019 at 2:59am

Wow, you sure are witty, but I'm not really impressed.

Permalink Reply by curt(is) locke on June 18, 2019 at 4:33am

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Wants You to Know She Was Not Impressed

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/18/opinion/sarah-sanders-trump.html

Permalink Reply by David Barish on June 18, 2019 at 2:58am

I was thinking about this  last night as I was reflecting  on  this thread and riding  to  dinner  I saw a kid on one of those little bikes with a metal leash that  allowed mom to have  her hand on the tot's bike while she walked.  I rang my bell  and thought that at a minimum I was announcing  that I was  nearby. As discussed elsewhere the number  of rings and  the intensity of them can  add meaning. "I'm here" is  pretty much what  the bell seems to  be  telling us. 

Getting back to the original post we appear to be   talking about how the bell should be recognized objectively.I was the first to  chime in along  those  lines with my line stealing  from  Freud, "A bell is  just a bell." But is it? By labeling this  as objective,  am i assuming  some authority that  nobody granted me? Subjectively, the bell was perceived otherwise and that has led to Alex's confrontation and our conversation.  We have had a lot of  mansplaining going on here, with me included. I would love to hear more  voices.

Permalink Reply by mike w. on June 18, 2019 at 12:22pm

i have a bell mounted on a few of my bikes, with more on the way. i have used a bell to:

1)Announce myself well in advance before passing horseback riders to avoid startling a half-ton of nervous horseflesh (often get thanked for that by the rider)

2)announce my impending passing of peds on MUPs (Ditto) -And if they're on their earphones, i ring loudly & repeatedly.

3) make little kids smile.

4)warn slower cyclists (there aren't too many that are slower than i am) that i'm passing.

5)greet people as i pass their yard parties/picnics.

6)express my displeasure with some hyper-testosteroned rider who passes me too closely and unannounced (sort of an "on your right, buddy!")

#1 is -thankfully- rare in the city, but common in some suburbs & rural roads.

#3 & #5 are just for fun

#6 is self-explanatory.

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