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Permalink Reply by Vilda on July 6, 2009 at 6:31pm

I had a goodie last week. I got doored at the corner of Southport and Diversey. I was super lucky cause there was no traffic i stopped about 10 feet up from the car and in the middle of the lane. I look back and the lady shrugs, closes her car door and heads into the currency exchange on the corner. I start cursing up a storm and she gives me the finger as she walks away. I look at my bike and the handle bar tape is shredded but I'm ok and there is no other damage. I first call a copper buddy and tell him where I am and that I might need him, and will call again if I can't settle what just happened. I then go to take a picture of her license plate and she runs out and pushes me. Get's back in her and tries to drive away. She is not very good at this though. She hangs a hard left into the alley that runs down parallel to Diversey and I ride with her the whole way cursing and yelling.

She stops at the end of the alley and asks if I'm going to follow her all the way home and i lean into her car and read her name tag. I tell Ms Connie Gomez of some pharmacy that I don't remember now that yes I will be following her home or to work or wherever she stops and from there i will call the cops. she says she doesn't have time for this, I call her a bitch she says maybe my sister and mom are the bitches and peels off.

Problem here is she then turns left on the side street and right onto Diversey which is always slow. I ride right next to her and curse her out through the window the whole way. Then she makes left onto Ashland but gets into the right lane. I ride the middle and slow down eventually making her stop. She asks what I want. I explain that I want to file a police report so her insurance will pay for any damage. She wakes up at the mention of the police. She asks what if she just pays for it. I tell her that is fine that the closest shop is On The Route on Lincoln, she can follow me or I'll follow her, she can pay and we'll be fine. She agrees. I then ask for her Drivers License. She says no, I tell her she has already driven away once and I don't trust her. She says no again. And I say then I'm just calling the cops. I don't have to have this argument with her since I'm right. She then gives in and hands me a, wait for it, .....State ID....YAY!!! Another unlicensed driver. We then have to go back to the Currency exchange where she can take money out this time (and i call a friend i was now late to meet for a ride and he meets me at On The Route. The lady heads on over and does in fact pay for the damages. and i give her back her ID.

She then asks if we can speak in private. I agree. She says she's not normally an aggressive person but that when I started yelling she reacted. I reminded her that the time line was She hit me with a door, I turned around, She shrugged it off and went inside the Currency Exchange. That's when the cursing happened and she deserved it. She then apologized, I accepted and she left.

YAY FOR CRAZY BITCHES!!! ;-)

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Permalink Reply by Reddog (Cliff) on July 6, 2009 at 6:57pm

Holy S**t dude!

Glad you are OK.

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Permalink Reply by Ryan L on July 6, 2009 at 11:07pm

I was riding south on Damen, like I do a lot, when I eventually came upon the intersection of Damen/Berteau. Now, Berteau is a one-way street going West. I know this route well and I know which streets go which-way. I looked right to make sure no dumb-asses were traveling in the wrong direction which is when I immediately looked left to see a Black 99ish BMW on the East side of Berteau. I slowed down enough to tell his left turn signal was on and after watching the car start to turn onto Damen, I sped up through the intersection no different than any other day. Now the danger in this plan is that yes, the car could have changed its mind and gone straight instead but it had already started to turn enough that a correction of that magnitude would simply be disastrous for the driver, so you can only trust they won’t freak-out and do something against the grain.

As I rode through the intersection the BMW suddenly revved its engine and changed its course, heading straight for me. The first split second thought I had was if it was attempting to park in a spot in front of the corner lot, but alas, I realized all the spots were taken. He is purposely trying to run me off the road, mind you, I am in a bike lane. So I have this 2-ton car making a b-line for my bike and I hit my “holy shit” brake as my right pedal grinds into the curb. The motherfucker pinned me in between the curb and the car in front of me allowing 0 room to carry on my way. It sat for a bit, silent and still. I had no idea what the hell was happening. Was this guy/girl crazy? Did the person have a heart attack and die narrowly killing me in the process? The car speeds off and I shake off the strange and continue on my ride, after a few choice words of course. That is when I thought of this thread and calmed down and just kept riding.

Suddenly I was surpassing the same BMW and had to think for a sec what I was going to do as I passed. Do I spit on the window like I have done before? No, No. I will be the better man and just ride past this metal beast and go about my day. I had a destination damn it! Unfortunately the BMW did not share my sentiments and again, as I begun to pass the car, it swerved right in front of me, this time giving me no choice but to impale my right pedal against the curb yet again, with much more force than before. Since I was riding fixed the impact was pretty nasty on my crank but I am pretty sure it's ok. I should probably take a real good look at my chain ring and chain but I am pretty sure the outside of the pedal was the only sacrifice.

I have absolutely no idea how I ended up riding south again after this incident since I was so shocked that someone would be so stupid, to go that far out of their way and show me ill will. I honestly think I was in a trance. As I started to again ride on, and again expel some choice words, a window rolls down to reveal a pale white man, in his 50’s, sporting some sunglasses. He starts to utter all kinds of bullshit towards me. So, I turn around and ride up next to his window and have ourselves a gentleman’s conversation. At first I was just trying to gain an understanding as to WTF was going on with him which soon turned into, crazy man in a car, pacifist on a bike with a large and nasty vocabulary, no solution. I can’t tell you how many times I almost spat a greasy one in his face but I sometimes like to think of myself as a better man so I decided not to instigate a straight up motherfuckin street fighter style brawl, car Vs bicycle death match for the ages, which is where it was heading quickly.

I soon realized that arguing with this man was pointless so I tell the gentleman he can “go fuck himself” and “to try not to kill anyone else today”, and again, continue my way south on Damen. He than yelled something like “go !?$#@ your mother” which was pretty hard to ignore. He then turns into the CVS parking lot. That is when I decide to call the cops and follow this guy. Something is wrong with him and he might seriously hurt someone with his car, so I bring on the 5 0.

I ride into the lot and his car is parked with the window still down. I glide up to the car, pull out my “Steve Jobs is an asshole but I love his products from the future” and dial 911. That is when the guys gets out of his car, struts up in my face, I am still on my bike, and yells “what are you doing calling the f-ing cops?” and kinda freaks out then gets back in the car, acting like he’s gonna take off. I’m on with the police and they ask me to give a description of the guy and the car and I responded with a “I’m pretty sure he’s gonna take off” which is when she asked me for the car’s plates. I made my way up to the front of the car, still on the bike, and as the name of the plate was revealed to me, I kind of shook my head in a strange wonderment as I read the plates to the lady on the phone. “COUGAR”. “Did you say COUGAR sir as in C. O. U. G. A. R.?” lol, “yes mam”. “A unit is on its way”.

At this point the super white, pear shaped old man gets out of the car, leans up against his hood, pulls out his really, really old phone, and takes a picture of me. Nowadays everyone and their mother is a blogger so you never know. I was kind of amused at this gesture. Then it starts to get even weirder. The guy gets in my face, I am still on the bike, seriously like 2 inches from my face, and starts yelling “you want to fight me mother fucker, come on take a swing at me” over and over. I kindly explained to him that "I was not stupid enough to hit him" which was when I braced my left leg behind me and spread out my right like you do on the CTA when you have to stand. I was anticipating an attack by this super loony tunes BMW driving character and it got to the point where I wished he had hit me so I could destroy him, which is an interesting concept for a pacifist. If someone is crazy enough to give me no choice but to defend myself, than I have no choice but to brace myself for whatever strange wrath comes my way.

After a good 10 min of his empty harassment he gives up and starts back towards his car, which was when I decided to take a picture of him. I had no intentions at any time during the altercation to start taking pictures of him and posting ‘em on Facebook or whatever, but he did it to me so F-him, I’ll take one too. He then gets in his car and prepares to take off. That is when I noticed A squad car heading our way. I blocked the BMW and waved over the police.

Two squad cars show up emptying four officers in full gear. Two crazy guys, one with a BMW and the other with a super wicked awesome bicycle are just silly civilians in a spat about rules of the road. They asked me what happened since I was The caller. I explained my side of the story, admitting going through the red light at Berteau, only after having assessed the situation. I explained the cars turn signal and the like and they processed it however they process information from altercations and then asked for the other mans side. He f-ing lied through his teeth. It was so hard to remain calm and quiet during his most magnificent recollection of the situation and how he is such a good driver and would never put a cyclist in harms way.

By this time the backup car was all like “screw this party” and took off leaving us with both a male and female officer. They took our ids and made sure we weren’t serial killers or worse followed by a little not so private chat about our fates. I was honestly just fine with the outcome of wasting Mr. Cougars time but the balls of the operation took over and went into this crazy speech about how he could charge us both for this and that and since no one was hurt they will just take our information in case of future incidents.

Next thing I know I was giving one of the officers my info. I got the sense that she believed my story and although Mr. Cougar is possibly nuts there was nothing they could really do. She then told me she “didn’t understand how people ride bicycles in this city” and we had a bit of a discussion about it. “That is why I wear a helmet”. A car hit an old roommate of mine one night and it fucked him up something scary. I had to baby sit him for a couple of weeks because his memory came and went and it was very unnatural. I bought a helmet pretty soon after that.

SOLUTION: Well, maybe I kept the guy from actually hurting someone else on his crazy journey through life. Who knows. The cops eventually tell me I can go after expressing I totally did the right thing calling out this douche. Not in those words of course :)

I once again start my ride back down Damen when “The Couge” yelled out his window “what’s your name” which I had expressed earlier to the dispatcher but he had not remembered. Both cops were standing next to him like they weren’t finished just yet. I expressed that I had no more words other than to please be a safe driver and try not to kill anyone else. I again make my way south on Damen, a little bit wiser.

Since this asshole went out of his way to take a picture of me, I can only do my best and return the favor.

Watch out for the COUGAR! Seriously, if you see a black BMW with these plates Do Not Feed The Animal.

An encounter like this makes me wonder so many things about this strange man and what makes people do such crazy things. What does he do for a living? Does he ever ride a bicycle in the city? Did he have a really bad day or is he simply a raging asshole? Did he just beat his wife and take off in the BMW to rape and pillage the land? Why do his name plates read COUGAR? Hopefully I will never know and I live to ride another day.

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Permalink Reply by Ryan L on July 6, 2009 at 11:25pm

Sorry for the long and descriptive post. I like to tell stories especially while drinking a good beer and suffering from insomnia :)

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Permalink Reply by Michael J Blane on July 7, 2009 at 2:09am

My fav is a smile and a wave too. Keeps 'em guessing.

mike w. said:

My latest favourite tactic is to smile a big sh**-eatin' grin and wave. Sometimes i'll call out "Hey Charlie! (or some other name that seems appropriate) how are ya? Long time no see!"

Sometimes they think i really know 'em, and they slink away red-faced.

Sometimes it really pisses 'em off, but it leaves them little excuse to retaliate.

i find this tactic works better than the usual one-finger salute.

Although i have been known to chuck a water bottle on occasion...

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Permalink Reply by Vilda on July 7, 2009 at 2:15am

Good story man! ;-) He's a Cougar like all the rest, he likes to have sex with young boys. Who can fault him for that. ;-)

Glad you made it out relatively unscathed. And Thanks for the heads up on crazy ass! ;-)

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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on July 7, 2009 at 5:40am

Gabe and Ryan ... good stories and you're reminding me why i must wear my helmet.

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Permalink Reply by Tank-Ridin' Ryan on July 7, 2009 at 8:21am

Hey Ryan,

Thanks for the detailed story and the warning.

"Wow!" doesn't even come close to a decent reaction to your tale. I'm amazed you remained so cool.

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Permalink Reply by mattbikes1 on July 7, 2009 at 9:30am

Too many to list. The bottom line is that many drivers feel entitled to the road and are completely in the dark about the laws, both for themselves and bikers. I blame the system for not making this a required part of the test to get a license as well as the city of Chicago for not putting out more press about the laws, the police for not enforcing the laws, and for the bikers that break the laws over and over, thus building a deeper rift and stronger animosity towards bikers. I have been commuting for 8 years and I always use designated bike lanes, don't run reds unless there is no traffic at all and use hand signals when in situations that help to let drivers know my intentions. I am considerate to the fact that everyone is trying to get somewhere and usually quickly. I just wish that everyone drove or biked with the mentality that laws will be bent and broken but if you do not impede anyone else's ability to move down the road quickly things can go smoothly. I have a special place in the darkest parts of my heart for those drivers that will threaten bikers form their moving couches, be it either verbally or physically. I have had many run ins with all kinds of jerks and half the time I can let it go while the other half of the time I feel driven to vigilante behavior. It is a shame that those of us that have made a conscious decision to commute on bike have to feel unsafe so much of the time because of ignorance, stupidity, animosity, and negligence. Nevertheless, I will continue to ride and ultimately will probably end up defending myself physically at some point or I will be killed. I dream of urban centers where cars are banned!

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Permalink Reply by Vilda on July 7, 2009 at 1:29pm

Howard and Mark,

I think by now you guys know that I'm pro-cop. But I'm also pro-getting-paid. If i had, in fact, called the police and filed, gone through that whole rig-a-ma-roll, I would have had to fix the bike myself and hope that she pays for it in small claims court (which less face it, would have also taken forever, with no guarantees since she's already crooked.) And the only difference would then be that she gets a ticket that she would have to fight in court.

Happily I was not injured so it made the issue far less complex, She pays, she leaves.

Sometimes you fix things yourself.

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Permalink Reply by Barbra Mann on July 7, 2009 at 1:58pm

Reading this is making me angry and scared...yuck! I don't suggest anyone read too much of this thread it is poisonous! No-one needs this much bad news in one shot. No offense, Leah.

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Permalink Reply by Jonathan Ortony on July 7, 2009 at 8:10pm

It doesn't help that the police are too slow to respond and have unwittingly let this car culture overgrow into public space.

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