I am a thief.

I have been thieving for more than a quarter of a century.

I get paid while I am thieving.

The proceeds of my thievery would put my firstborn through a couple of courses at Vassar.

I do not want to be a thief.

My theft is accidental.

I will change your flat tire.

I will cringe with regret when I see that little shiny orphan right after you roll away.

After changing tens of thousands of tubes, I have not changed my ways.

I will steal your presta valve adapter.

I am sorry.

I cannot help it.

Hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your adapters.

I am a thief. 

"ALL YOUR ADAPTER ARE BELONG TO ME"