After a humiliating fumble and classic, not-to-be-soon-forgotten 500-point robbery just after the starting gun, bk managed to regroup and retain his championship status as Bag Footsie Champ with a dazzling 2000 points and the final, epic, off-trail snare of a full-size garbage bag!!! What a way to blast-off the 2012 Spring Bag Footsie season!

Was the math and Earned Snag Averages miscalculated in my initial boast? Yes. Is this an historic sport in the throes if its infancy? Of course! Still, humbly, I think we can all see that with a little hard work, a little time, imagination, and the grace of the American people, we can make this the great sport it is destined to be... Just like stadium football!.. Or?.. What is that no-kickstand, big ol' fancy bike race deal over in France?

All the other riders, while clearly and most spectacularly whupping this lethargic, plodding correspondent up, down and all over the course, were luminescent. Special Granola was awarded in their gallant recovery of the lost backpack during the Mallard Lake incident! Their efforts, on a Bag Footsie course they had never seen, showed why the grit and sportsmanship of this event will be long-heralded.

The doping controversy still swirls around www.SatanPresley.com, who still has yet to respond to commission inquiries regarding the prairie-fire scorched Arizona Iced Tea can found mid-trail on the impossibly steep Maple Hill section of Meacham. Despite this, Presley was still awarded the Many Lakes Nice Beaver Keeneyville Boardwalk Hygiene Ambassador for another year.

"The Racketeers" could not be reached for comment.

Way to go riders! Congratulations to all!!

One Less Bag!

-bk