Ultimatum for the bike thieves from the Loop Campus of Depaul at 9:15 pm

2 White kids on fixed gear bikes stole my Terry Fly Mens seat (the newer model with the honey comb pattern). Seat post (black, stock item from a redline 29'er monocog) and a black cyclocross style dual bottle cage holder that was mounted on the post (slightly modified from stock.)

You did this from 9:15 to 9:19 pm on 07/02 at the Depaul Loop Campus at 1 E Jackson.

I know this cause I work security there. I stayed late to watch the security footage of you.

Here's the ultimatum: You can return my gear to the Barnes & Noble give it to whomever you like and say its for "Gabe in Security." Do this and I won't pursue you. I won't press charges, nothing happens.

Don't do this and I'll wreck you. I will dedicate my time at work to hounding you. I will make your life miserable. I'll be at Critical Mass looking under the ass of every white trash piece of shit on a fixie. I'll be at alley cat's looking for you. And when i catch you...

Don't believe me? Ask around? Maybe you all ready know me and you didn't know it was my bike.

Why do I care so much if it's just a seat? Cause you are operating under the guise of being bikers in a "community" and that's bullshit. And i bet your friends know you move stolen bike parts. And that means i'm that much closer to you.

Return the bike parts and i stop. Don't, and I'll be everywhere; craigslist, ebay, swap meets, your house.

Get it?

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Let me restate  your post in a more eloquent way.

I love this response. The theft, not so much. But the response is great.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my components go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."

Hope you get your parts back Gabe!
To be clear i didnt threaten death. Sodomy with a broomstick though...

wow gabe this sucks. we will keep a look out for those parts. it's a shame that a security guy (you) can't park their bike in a secured area, the irony. hope there is a good ending to this....


I feel your pain, Gabe. I was victim of a similar theft a couple of weeks ago in front of Northwestern Memorial. Unfortunately, I don't have video of the thief!

Hope you get your stuff back.

Erin, NWM has a famously unfriendly security department. Might have to do with dealing with total shit all day. You can always ask if they have footage of an area. Worst they say is no. I just got lucky in this case. I have them on 3 cameras so far. They salmoned jackson from Wabash (more reason to hate asshole salmons) then doubles back on the sidewalk to steal my seat.

jolondon30 said:

Let me restate  your post in a more eloquent way.

Sorry Gabe. Let's keep an eye out for these jerks. Would cops just laugh if you called non-emergency to say....some dudes stole my seat?

It was stolen an hour before i got off work. To much of a head start day of to call 311. But calling friends is always good. And i have those.

Those seat stealing rat bastards!

Good hunting Gabe.

I reviewed those cameras a few weeks ago when my bike was hit on the corner of Jackson and Wabash.  You can see all over the place, and well up Wabash from Jackson on one camera.  Hope they're caught.  I'm planning to start using the rack in front of the main entrance once the replacement is built up because it's got full camera coverage.

Erin suffered a very similar theft several weeks back in front of Northwestern Hospital.


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