manshoaling

So people. Look. Every single day, at some point in my ride to work or from work or for errands or whatever, at least once, a man pulls up behind me, a woman, who is waiting at a light and just assumes, in the absence of other information (for I have been placidly waiting, perhaps, for a while) that I must be slower than he is,

He therefore thinks that he should aggressively pull in front of me or cut me off, because I, a lady, will only get in his way! Shortly, this gentleman and I both find that he actually isn't a faster or stronger rider than I am, and sometimes we discover this whilst, say, going over the river along Damen! Either way, I then have to pass him, which makes things less safe for both of us. Please, dudes. STOP DOING THIS. IT'S RUDE AND YOU'LL FEEL BAD LATER AND YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS NOT MY PROBLEM.  

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Permalink Reply by Doug Haynes on July 5, 2018 at 3:08pm

I don't think it is about thinking about their life experience when you ask if they need a tube but thinking about it in how you perceive their reaction.

And, maybe, if you want thinking about how you can alleviate that negative reaction by being thoughtful with your language and actions.

No matter what at some point you're going to have a person be shitty; why dwell on it?

Permalink Reply by Adam C. on July 5, 2018 at 11:37pm

"Be friendly to your fellow cyclists...always. If they want to be assholes back, that’s their shit to deal with. Man or woman"

Well said!!

:~)

Permalink Reply by Doug Haynes on July 5, 2018 at 3:05pm

Maybe I'm wrong here but it's not about treating women differently as much as it is about thinking about how your well-intentioned words or actions could be interpreted as hostile by others because of their personal experience.

I have had women upset when I've offered help with things in the past; I never let it bother me because I just assume it is because they've had negative experiences that lead them to questions men's intent in those situations.

I just apologize and move on with my life because I know I am not the direct cause of their anger and that sort of thing is the exception, not the rule.

Permalink Reply by Paul Fitz, Scrabblor on July 3, 2018 at 11:44am
Love to everyone, but "isms" are institutional. Women may respond in a way which a man finds aggressive, unfriendly, rude, or prejudicial but there is not a system in 2018 America by which women oppress men. We live in a patriarchy and women cannot be "sexist" towards men.

Shout outs to Brian Atwood for this
"Be friendly to your fellow cyclists...always. If they want to be assholes back, that’s their shit to deal with. Man or woman."

and please, for the love of God, ring a bell on the LFP.
Permalink Reply by Brian S on July 3, 2018 at 11:48am

The idea that a woman cannot be sexist is complete baloney. I know that's blunt. Sexism isn't a one-way street. It may be predominantly one-way, but salmoning is a thing in this arena, too.

(I wasn't sure I'd be able to get cycling reference in!)

Permalink Reply by Yasmeen on July 3, 2018 at 12:26pm

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Paul. Much appreciated.

Permalink Reply by Paul Fitz, Scrabblor on July 3, 2018 at 11:46am
Love to everyone, but "isms" are institutional. Women may respond in a way which a man finds aggressive, unfriendly, rude, or prejudicial but there is not a system in 2018 America by which women oppress men. We live in a patriarchy and women cannot be "sexist" towards men.

Shout outs to Brian Atwood for this
"Be friendly to your fellow cyclists...always. If they want to be assholes back, that’s their shit to deal with. Man or woman."

and please, for the love of God, ring a bell on the LFP.
Permalink Reply by Paul Fitz, Scrabblor on July 3, 2018 at 11:54am
Apologies for the above repost, my computer had some type of hiccup.
@brian S, Blunt is fine, but calling something baloney without any support is weak AF. "Sexism" is women making less money for the same work, or being systemically preyed upon by powerful men. An individual woman responding to a (well intentioned) stranger in a less than civil way is different.
Permalink Reply by Brian S on July 3, 2018 at 11:55am

Those examples are forms of sexism, but they are not the end of it. Any prejudice based upon sex is, by definition, sexism.

Permalink Reply by Doug Haynes on July 5, 2018 at 3:13pm

While all prejudice based on sex is technically sexism when people refer to sexism they are generally speaking about the entrenched male-dominated power structure that systematically craps on women.

For every incident where you can cry 'sexism' at a ma getting the short end of the stick, there are like eleventy-billion the other way.

I'll start worrying about my rights as a man when I actually have fewer than women.

Permalink Reply by TonyP on July 3, 2018 at 12:36pm
No Yasmeen, the insult is your comparison of rape and #me too to somebodies offer of help. You're twisting something to fit your dialog.
I understand that bad things have been done to women, but that has nothing to do with a simple offer of help.

How is a muscular mans response of "I didn't bust my ass to get this big and strong to need your help" any different than a womans response of "I'm a woman every bit your equal and I don't need your help"?

Both responses ring of insecurity to me.
Permalink Reply by Yasmeen on July 3, 2018 at 2:53pm

Wow. Nothing like being told what I meant when it was pretty clear the first time and I took the time to clarify it again. 

Tony, you clearly want a fight and I am not inclined to give you one. 

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