Worst Amateur Bike Mechanic Ever?

I saw a middle-aged gentleman addressing a stiff headset today.  His technique was to pour motor oil directly from a quart bottle over the headset.

Top that.

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Permalink Reply by Matt M. 18.5KM on September 6, 2014 at 3:47pm

like, what else did he do?

Permalink Reply by Far'arned Retrogrumpalunkus #63 on September 6, 2014 at 6:38pm
That isn't right?
Permalink Reply by Jim Reho on September 6, 2014 at 7:53pm

Can I nominate myself?  I too often undertake projects, not just with bikes, that have only some tiny improvement as their upside and a whole lot of grief as their downside.  Just the other day I decided I wanted to switch the cassettes on two bike wheels.  I reckoned I could achieve perhaps six or seven percent faster speed with a few of my higher gears that way.  Whoop-ti-do.  Bear in mind that I never ride fast to begin with, so there was no compelling purpose to this.  

Everything began well.  I should have been suspicious when that first cassette came off the hub as easy as pie.  I thought I was on my way.  Of course, the second cassette absolutely wouldn't budge.  I couldn't move that lock ring a micron.  Some fool (me) had overtightened it by a factor of about ten.  I tried small wrenches, then big wrenches, then wrenches with extensions, then a chain whip, my feet, a big rubber mallet, and the aforesaid wrenches and extensions some more.  Have you ever hit your kneecap straight on with a big rubber mallet?  And then the other one?  It really hurts, in a quite Stooges-esque fashion.  Then I tried wedging the wheel against various objects to gain leverage, copious doses of WD-40, and swearing like a longshoreman (or like I would imagine a longshoreman swears).  After a certain point, I went into a kind of frenzy in which I was willing to destroy my fairly decent wheel as long as that %$&#ing cassette came off.  That only resulted in my taking a few more whacks from the mallet.

Finally, after THREE HOURS, and after discovering a yoga/Kama Sutra-like position in which I could bring all the strength in my now-quivering legs to bear, I loosened that lock ring up.  At first I wasn't sure it was the lock ring grinding and not a dislocated shoulder or elbow.  Or neck vertebrae.  I knew if I stopped moving, it would be a long time before I moved again.  I put the first cassette on the second wheel and put it on my trusty old Trek 730 Multitrack.  Or at least I thought I did.  Although I have done it many times, putting a rear wheel on a bike is still a mystery to me, kind of on the level of "What was Stonehenge really about?"  Ironically, I had now reunited the cassette and wheel that had been on that bike earlier in the year, when I had parted them for some now-obscure purpose.  Anyway, I tried shifting and found that when my shifter said I was in the fifth highest rear gear, my chain was on the second highest.  I was puzzled, but I undid my derailleur cable, got out my greasy Park Tool printouts, and redid the high and low adjustments.  I thought I was making some progress until I noticed that the problem had been caused by my utter failure to position the right side of the axle in the dropout.  That 1/4 inch made a big difference.  So big, in fact, that I had to redo the derailleur all over again.  I'm convinced that if I had put the stupid wheel on correctly in the first place, little or no adjustment would have been required.

In any event, after only five hours of misery, I was ready to ride!   I took the bike out and everything worked fine.  Unfortunately, the difference between the cassettes was so slight that the change didn't make any discernible difference.  I could have put on a different valve cap and felt it just as much.  I did notice a discernible difference in my back, neck, arms and legs for a day or two, however.

By the way, in my world I would consider this a moderate success, or at least a draw.  You should see the failures!                

      

Permalink Reply by mweerd on September 7, 2014 at 4:59am

AMEN! For me lately it's researching/reviews...

Jeff Schneider said:

I can identify with useless fiddling.  I spent a lot of time in my younger days worrying about precise adjustments - of everything - tire pressure, brake pad distance from the wheel rim, etc.  I wish I had spent more time riding and less time fiddling with things that don't matter.


Jim Reho said:

Can I nominate myself?  I too often undertake projects, not just with bikes, that have only some tiny improvement as their upside and a whole lot of grief as their downside.  Just the other day I decided I wanted to switch the cassettes on two bike wheels.  I reckoned I could achieve perhaps six or seven percent faster speed with a few of my higher gears that way.  Whoop-ti-do.  Bear in mind that I never ride fast to begin with, so there was no compelling purpose to this.  

Everything began well.  I should have been suspicious when that first cassette came off the hub as easy as pie.  I thought I was on my way.  Of course, the second cassette absolutely wouldn't budge.  I couldn't move that lock ring a micron.  Some fool (me) had overtightened it by a factor of about ten.  I tried small wrenches, then big wrenches, then wrenches with extensions, then a chain whip, my feet, a big rubber mallet, and the aforesaid wrenches and extensions some more.  Have you ever hit your kneecap straight on with a big rubber mallet?  And then the other one?  It really hurts, in a quite Stooges-esque fashion.  Then I tried wedging the wheel against various objects to gain leverage, copious doses of WD-40, and swearing like a longshoreman (or like I would imagine a longshoreman swears).  After a certain point, I went into a kind of frenzy in which I was willing to destroy my fairly decent wheel as long as that %$&#ing cassette came off.  That only resulted in my taking a few more whacks from the mallet.

Finally, after THREE HOURS, and after discovering a yoga/Kama Sutra-like position in which I could bring all the strength in my now-quivering legs to bear, I loosened that lock ring up.  At first I wasn't sure it was the lock ring grinding and not a dislocated shoulder or elbow.  Or neck vertebrae.  I knew if I stopped moving, it would be a long time before I moved again.  I put the first cassette on the second wheel and put it on my trusty old Trek 730 Multitrack.  Or at least I thought I did.  Although I have done it many times, putting a rear wheel on a bike is still a mystery to me, kind of on the level of "What was Stonehenge really about?"  Ironically, I had now reunited the cassette and wheel that had been on that bike earlier in the year, when I had parted them for some now-obscure purpose.  Anyway, I tried shifting and found that when my shifter said I was in the fifth highest rear gear, my chain was on the second highest.  I was puzzled, but I undid my derailleur cable, got out my greasy Park Tool printouts, and redid the high and low adjustments.  I thought I was making some progress until I noticed that the problem had been caused by my utter failure to position the right side of the axle in the dropout.  That 1/4 inch made a big difference.  So big, in fact, that I had to redo the derailleur all over again.  I'm convinced that if I had put the stupid wheel on correctly in the first place, little or no adjustment would have been required.

In any event, after only five hours of misery, I was ready to ride!   I took the bike out and everything worked fine.  Unfortunately, the difference between the cassettes was so slight that the change didn't make any discernible difference.  I could have put on a different valve cap and felt it just as much.  I did notice a discernible difference in my back, neck, arms and legs for a day or two, however.

By the way, in my world I would consider this a moderate success, or at least a draw.  You should see the failures!                

      

Permalink Reply by Fran Kondorf on September 7, 2014 at 6:15am

Jim, I wish I could nominate this for a "Best of Chainlink Post of the Year" award.

Keep up the good work.

Jim Reho said:

Can I nominate myself?  I too often undertake projects, not just with bikes, that have only some tiny improvement as their upside and a whole lot of grief as their downside.  Just the other day I decided I wanted to switch the cassettes on two bike wheels.  I reckoned I could achieve perhaps six or seven percent faster speed with a few of my higher gears that way.  Whoop-ti-do.  Bear in mind that I never ride fast to begin with, so there was no compelling purpose to this.  

Everything began well.  I should have been suspicious when that first cassette came off the hub as easy as pie.  I thought I was on my way.  Of course, the second cassette absolutely wouldn't budge.  I couldn't move that lock ring a micron.  Some fool (me) had overtightened it by a factor of about ten.  I tried small wrenches, then big wrenches, then wrenches with extensions, then a chain whip, my feet, a big rubber mallet, and the aforesaid wrenches and extensions some more.  Have you ever hit your kneecap straight on with a big rubber mallet?  And then the other one?  It really hurts, in a quite Stooges-esque fashion.  Then I tried wedging the wheel against various objects to gain leverage, copious doses of WD-40, and swearing like a longshoreman (or like I would imagine a longshoreman swears).  After a certain point, I went into a kind of frenzy in which I was willing to destroy my fairly decent wheel as long as that %$&#ing cassette came off.  That only resulted in my taking a few more whacks from the mallet.

Finally, after THREE HOURS, and after discovering a yoga/Kama Sutra-like position in which I could bring all the strength in my now-quivering legs to bear, I loosened that lock ring up.  At first I wasn't sure it was the lock ring grinding and not a dislocated shoulder or elbow.  Or neck vertebrae.  I knew if I stopped moving, it would be a long time before I moved again.  I put the first cassette on the second wheel and put it on my trusty old Trek 730 Multitrack.  Or at least I thought I did.  Although I have done it many times, putting a rear wheel on a bike is still a mystery to me, kind of on the level of "What was Stonehenge really about?"  Ironically, I had now reunited the cassette and wheel that had been on that bike earlier in the year, when I had parted them for some now-obscure purpose.  Anyway, I tried shifting and found that when my shifter said I was in the fifth highest rear gear, my chain was on the second highest.  I was puzzled, but I undid my derailleur cable, got out my greasy Park Tool printouts, and redid the high and low adjustments.  I thought I was making some progress until I noticed that the problem had been caused by my utter failure to position the right side of the axle in the dropout.  That 1/4 inch made a big difference.  So big, in fact, that I had to redo the derailleur all over again.  I'm convinced that if I had put the stupid wheel on correctly in the first place, little or no adjustment would have been required.

In any event, after only five hours of misery, I was ready to ride!   I took the bike out and everything worked fine.  Unfortunately, the difference between the cassettes was so slight that the change didn't make any discernible difference.  I could have put on a different valve cap and felt it just as much.  I did notice a discernible difference in my back, neck, arms and legs for a day or two, however.

By the way, in my world I would consider this a moderate success, or at least a draw.  You should see the failures!                

      

Permalink Reply by Elwood Gruschow on September 7, 2014 at 9:43am

Psalm 23:5

Permalink Reply by Doug Haynes on September 7, 2014 at 12:09pm

Personally the amateur mistake I am most impressed with seeing is when the wrong side pedals are threaded all the way into the crank arms.

I cannot imagine how much work it takes to do that; I have given up on tasks so much easier than that.  If nothing else you have to admire the determination.

Permalink Reply by Matt M. 18.5KM on September 7, 2014 at 12:47pm

Threaded headset stack height.

I did it today.

Permalink Reply by Jim Reho on September 7, 2014 at 2:16pm

Thanks for the nice comments, all!

Permalink Reply by Tim Heckman on September 7, 2014 at 3:21pm
I have a story that is close-- I am somewhat embarrassed by it. I have two Schwinn Suburbans. At least part of my rationale for that is so I can learn to mechanic on the one that is not being actively ridden. First thing this spring, I broke the axle on the backup bike. I had a spare set of wheels, and everything I could find indicated that a K-5 and S-6 rim were the same. So one day, I removed the rear wheel with the broken axle, removed the nice puncture resistant Bontrager tire from the wheel, put that tire on the K-5 wheel with moderate difficulty, and put everything together again.

A quick ride indicated that the K-5 rim was not the same, and the brakes worked poorly indeed. Oh well, I was planning on taking the wheel I removed to an LBS to repair the axle, and while they had, I would have them toss a spare tire I had on. I got the wheel back, and was completely mystified, as the wheel locked up when I put it on. I've changed rear wheels maybe a half dozen times, so I walked it to a different (also closer) LBS to see what I did wrong.

I'd done very little wrong, but had gone from a 27 x 1 1/8 tire, to a 27 x 1 1/4 tire with some tread, creating a fender/reflector clearance issue. The puncture resistant tire is still on the K-5 wheel, and I still haven't fixed my clearance issue on the other bike.

Still learning by doing, right?
Permalink Reply by Jim Freeman on September 8, 2014 at 5:28am

I've seen this.  It's like, man, that had to take forever.

Last week I saw my neighbor and his helper friend swapping a stem and handlebars from one Schwinn to another.  Never mind that the stems were both of different sizes and that they left the wedge in the old steer tube.

I was like, "I don't think that's going to work..."

Early on in my days as an aspiring mechanic I was able to get a lock ring on a one piece crank to turn counter-clockwise by using a cheater.  I lost my threads. 


notoriousDUG said:

Personally the amateur mistake I am most impressed with seeing is when the wrong side pedals are threaded all the way into the crank arms.

I cannot imagine how much work it takes to do that; I have given up on tasks so much easier than that.  If nothing else you have to admire the determination.

Permalink Reply by Far'arned Retrogrumpalunkus #63 on September 8, 2014 at 5:35am

Left-hand drive on an OPC BMX bike.  I don't know how they dealt with the freewheel as I didn't stop to mess with it.  Perhaps it was a fixie?

Interesting hack though, I hope they used loctite on the pedal threads. 

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