Why do most cyclists suck? Open invitation to the Church of Misfit Cyclists and Same Day Saints

Serious here.  Every time I meet another cyclist, I'm totally put off.   I just can't take the elitism / know-it-all attitude... Meet this dude at the north shore century and he was lecturing me about how "there's a time and place for 26 inch wheels" and it's not on a century.  I ride a 26 wheeled LHT.  I was like, man, I road this across the country... come at me bro.  I've been riding seriously since like 92... don't lecture me about biking.  Or perhaps it's me?  I guess not everyone appreciates my dead hooker jokes?  


Anyway, I'm looking for beer driven degenerates like myself who like to bike because it's awesome... because it makes you feel like a million flying erections.  Not because you're saving the earth, or that ti frames, vintage frames, carbon frames give you some chubb.  I want to booze, bitch about my wife, job, and generally thumb my nose at societal norms - e.g. making dick-fart jokes, laughing at fat brides eating an obscene amount of cake, talking about lesbian scissoring, etc.  I don't want to hear about your community food co-op or how you and your wife don't have a car and you haul your kids around on one of those third world cargo bikes, or any similar hippy-feminist bullshit for that matter.

We need to take this sport back from hipsters, elitists, hammerhead health nuts, triathletes and know-it-all half asses.  I you are like minded and appreciate such irreverence, come worship with me on the next weather permitting sunday at the Church of Misfit Cyclists and Same Day Saints.  Contact Elder Mitch via PM for details.  Praise his name.  

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Permalink Reply by Joe Guzzardo on January 3, 2013 at 5:35pm

I just spent $14,000 on a carbon nanotube composite frame, custom made, electronic shift beauty and next month I'm getting fitted for all the latest cycling clothing and shoes in time for spring. I got a pair of Oakley thermonuclear protection shades and a rocking helmet, too. I'm way too cool to hang out with you.

Having said that, I'm afraid to ride outside, anyway. The tire treads might pick up some gravel.

Permalink Reply by globalguy on January 3, 2013 at 6:38pm

"Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well." The only dorogoy that brings us droogies together is an object, a thingy, a metally or carbon-fibery contrap generally called a "bike". "Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity ... It's like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now." And these rolly-poley masheena are whats condemns us all to being insufferable little pricks and prickesses ... Vink, Vink, Сергей.

Joe Guzzardo said:

I just spent $14,000 on a carbon nanotube composite frame, custom made, electronic shift beauty and next month I'm getting fitted for all the latest cycling clothing and shoes in time for spring. I got a pair of Oakley thermonuclear protection shades and a rocking helmet, too. I'm way too cool to hang out with you.

Having said that, I'm afraid to ride outside, anyway. The tire treads might pick up some gravel.

Permalink Reply by bk (aka: Dr. Mambohead) on January 4, 2013 at 12:06am
Somewhere... In Panama... Typhoid Skippy's (the 4000-mile Huffy) 26-inch knobby tires are spinning in serendipitous joy.

She'd roll a century on an elitist's wedding vegetables.
Permalink Reply by in it to win it 8.0 mi on January 4, 2013 at 3:22am

This thread made my head hurt . . .

Permalink Reply by dan brown on January 4, 2013 at 4:19am

i knew from the get-go this was troll bait.

open season is here

DHB

Permalink Reply by Adam Herstein on January 4, 2013 at 4:54am

Every group of people has people like this. It's human nature. Get over it.

Permalink Reply by We all have an inner Beast... on January 5, 2013 at 12:15am

Abe Vigoda would fit right in with Dietrich, since he is Barney Miller (due to his picture) and they worked in the same police station.

Now Sally may have some issues, maybe if Meathead beat her a bit, Abe and Barney could be investigating a Domestic Violence case at The Bunker residence.....

 

However, you may be alone afterall......

 

.....we all are anyway.
 
Haddon said:

I mean Harold Lipschitz right? do you think he's in good with Abe Vigoda? I think it would be great to say I rode with Abe Vigoda, who wouldn't be up for that right?  He probably has a 3 wheeler but still. I'm really excited about this, who knows who might put up next perhaps Sally Struthers might come out for next months ride.  AWESOME. Tell me I'm not alone on this.

Permalink Reply by Luke Gardner on January 6, 2013 at 11:23am

The only cyclist or trend in cycling you should worry about is you and how you feel on your bike.

Bad attitudes and shitty people exist across all hobbies, walks of life and activities. Biking is no exception. If anything, the cycling community is an incredibly homogenous and peaceful community, even if it has its minor arguments. We don't have a giant ongoing war over some issue in cycling, we just bicker over little shit.

Bicyclists have it really good. Maybe you should just go ride and not worry about hanging out with people who ride.

Permalink Reply by We all have an inner Beast... on January 6, 2013 at 10:27pm

Thank you, 'h.

Though what I was referring to was Dietrich = Barney Miller (Harold Lipschitz) due to his profile picture.

Just some off-the-cuff humor........note the time of my post....LOL !!!

 

See ya out ther, 'h !   :)


 
h' 1.0 said:

Um . . . Manny...

http://www.nndb.com/people/423/000023354/

Manny Fuentes, 9.2 mi. said:

Abe Vigoda would fit right in with Dietrich, since he is Barney Miller (due to his picture) and they worked in the same police station.

Now Sally may have some issues, maybe if Meathead beat her a bit, Abe and Barney could be investigating a Domestic Violence case at The Bunker residence.....

 

However, you may be alone afterall......

 

.....we all are anyway.
 
Haddon said:

I mean Harold Lipschitz right? do you think he's in good with Abe Vigoda? I think it would be great to say I rode with Abe Vigoda, who wouldn't be up for that right?  He probably has a 3 wheeler but still. I'm really excited about this, who knows who might put up next perhaps Sally Struthers might come out for next months ride.  AWESOME. Tell me I'm not alone on this.

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