Trying to turn an argument with a motorist into a teaching moment

I had an interesting conversation this morning with a motorist where after an exchange she apologized at the next light. I was having a hard time accepting her apology because I didn’t feel that she was apologizing for the right thing and wanted to turn this into a teaching moment. I’m not sure I succeeded, but I think the exchange shows some of the challenges that bikes as transportation advocates face and wanted to know how people here would have handled it.

 

The basic situation was as follows. I was proceeding straight through an intersection with motorized traffic moving to my left at a slightly faster speed. Traffic began to slow as someone started slowing for a left turn. The driver (I’ll call her Jane Doe since names make story telling easier) then honked and pulled out to pass the turning vehicle on the right. At this point Jane was slightly behind me and shocked to see me in front of her. She then proceeded to pass me very close and I was forced closer to the park cars and deeper into the slush than I was really comfortable. Once Jane was passed and I was comfortably back to clean pavement I expressed my displeasure at her actions with a hand sign.

 

At the next light she rolled down her window to apologize saying that she wasn’t honking at me she was honking at the car in front of her. I kept trying to explain that I wasn’t mad at her for honking, I was mad at her for putting me in danger by passing dangerously. While the honking is annoying, my real problem was her flawed assumption that the lane would just be clear and she could just move over without checking. This was compounded by that fact her reaction to the lane not being clear wasn’t to slow down and wait for a safe opportunity to pass, but instead to dangerously squeeze through. I couldn’t seem to get my point across that I wasn’t upset about the honking but very upset about her dangerous driving. I didn’t want an apology unless it was for the real problem and she had learned something.

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Permalink Reply by Far'arned Retrogrumpalunkus #63 on December 18, 2010 at 4:56am

That's the testosterone talking.

 

I (and I would bet most men) have these exact same "thoughts" although they aren't really "thoughts" but just an image that flashes across the internal "master control popup screen" somewhere deep inside the brain that throws it out as a possible action/reaction for the situation.  It's an aggressive fight/attack/rape/pillage thing that comes from the testosterone in our brains.

 

I was listening to a story on NPR a year or two back about a tranny guy who was astounded by the changes he went through when the testosterone treatment started to really take effect on his body and brain.  This former She even said in the interview (I think it was with Terry Gross or someone like that)  that no female could really understand this about men's brains until/unless they went through it themselves (and that is obviously a one-way street).

 

It's just a fact of nature/chemestry as us men are really brutes down deep inside.  It's part of being the modified female-creature that maleness really is biologically.  Unfortunately in our modern society some of us have better control of it than others.  Knowing is half the battle...

 

And yes, there are instants in time while riding in tense situations where that U-lock bash gambit really sounds like a good idea..

 

Mike Zumwalt said:

You guys sound too nice. I give a bang on the hood, trunk,mirror, window and in my head feel like busting the window out with my U-lock and then say "oh sorry that was pretty close to your face!"

 

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