I put a Bike Thief in Jail!!!!
So…my Friday night was a wee bit interesting as a Chicago cyclist. My
Friday plan was to check out Sonar, go to a friend’s apartment to
celebrate his thirty-fifth birthday in the West Loop and then finish off
the day at a party I was hosting at Bottom Lounge. Well, one more
event was added to the night – an altercation with a bike thief, which
led to his subsequent arrest and court date. I began the night with
Sonar, which took place at the Chicago Cultural Center for some
avant-garde like ambient music and practically put me to sleep. Then I
rode up to my buddy Paul’s place at about 8:30pm with Joshua and Naaman,
two other friends. All three of us locked our bikes up across the
street at the Staples on Jackson. I locked up my bike with two u-locks
(yes, I know I’m paranoid) and one cheapo squiggly lock. Naaman locked
his bike up with his own squiggly lock and Joshua used his own u-lock
and line and then we also intertwined lines and squigglys. We went
upstairs to the penthouse and had some libations on the deck and headed
out again around 10:00pm. We came out of the building and as we walked
across the street, I noticed there were only two bikes locked up,
instead of three. At that exact moment, a man tried to ride away on my
buddy Naaman’s bike. Naaman yelled out at the dude, “Hey that’s my
bike!”
We surrounded the dude on the bike and, not in the friendliest of ways, removed his body from the bike. He said, “You got
the bike, what do you want?!”
At that point I went into a Viking berserker rage and yelled shit at the guy like, “You bike thief
motherfucker! Fuck you! I’m putting your ass in jail!” He looked at
me like he wanted to fight but I stood my ground. He began walking west
on Jackson and walked out into traffic. I did the same. I don’t know
what came over me but if there is a group of people I can’t stand, it’s
fucking bike thieves. As we were walking in traffic, I called the
police and gave a description of the man as I walked ten feet behind
him. He was getting pissed off and tried to walk into Mr. Greek’s but
since I had already created a scene with all my yelling, the door people
refused him entry as soon as he tried to walk into the restaurant.
Then he sat down in front of the restaurant.
The whole time I screamed bloody murder about him going to jail and how all he is, is a
thief. One of the bike thief’s buddies happened to be right there and
yelled at him and tells him to ,“Run, run, you gotta get out of here!”
His buddy looked at me and said, “He just got out of jail!”
I responded, “He’s a thief, I don’t care!” So the thief decided to head
south on Halsted. I still followed him, causing a commotion in front of
all the Greek Town restaurants and bars in a freaking rage. The guy
turned left down an alley and made another quick left. I followed him
but as I turned the corner, the dude was ready to fight. I guess his
plan was to try and dispatch me in the alley away from the public’s eye
and stop me from following him. He was slow and older and kinda out of
shape, so I was able to easily avoid his attempted assault. I yelled,
“You can’t fucking catch me! You’re old, slow and fat!” We continued
to follow him north through the alley and he tried charging me again and
again as I nimbly avoid his assault.
Six minutes had passed by that point and no CPD. I called 911 again and said the guy had tried to
assault me twice since the first call and told them to hurry. The guy
walked to Jackson again and headed east while I trailed behind him.
Most of the time Joshua was about fifty feet away making sure things
didn’t get hairy while Naaman watched all of our bikes. As the guy went
east on Jackson, he decided to jump down the bridge onto the grass
right near the expressway. In a moment of pure stupidity, this crazy
asshole then ran across two lanes of traffic on 90/94 and dashed under
the viaducts, which was when I made a third call to the police. At that
point I didn’t want to continue to follow him because I feared crossing
the expressway. For Christ’s sake, his fat ass could have pushed my
153 pound body into 90/94 traffic and instead of Little Phil, I would
then be Dead Phil or Flat Phil. He ran around underneath the viaducts
while I stayed above and tried not to lose sight of him.
After about ten minutes, the Chicago Police finally fucking showed up with one
SUV and four squad cars. I pointed to the last place I had seen him
under the bridge and the police followed my direction. The asshole
didn’t move and was caught red-handed. They put him in the SUV and
drove up to the Jackson Bridge where we had gathered. Naaman, Josh and I
were waiting there, with our bikes basking in street justice
vigilantism. The cops asked me to identify the man they caught. The
CPD opened up the car door with the motherfucker inside. All I said to
him was, “Hey, buddy” and he couldn’t even look me in the eye. He knew
he was caught. Ha Ha Ha. After I signed some paperwork and got a court
date set, we were good to go. The dude was charged with stealing two
bikes because he cut my squiggly bike locks and was also on Naaman’s
bike. Since the total value of both bikes added up to over $2000, the
guy is going to jail – without passing go! I can’t wait until October
28, when I get to see this asshole in court – I’m going to wave my
broken bike locks at him when they sentence his ass.
Bike Gang 1. Bike Thief 0 – and going to pound-me-in-the-ass jail.
Friday plan was to check out Sonar, go to a friend’s apartment to
celebrate his thirty-fifth birthday in the West Loop and then finish off
the day at a party I was hosting at Bottom Lounge. Well, one more
event was added to the night – an altercation with a bike thief, which
led to his subsequent arrest and court date. I began the night with
Sonar, which took place at the Chicago Cultural Center for some
avant-garde like ambient music and practically put me to sleep. Then I
rode up to my buddy Paul’s place at about 8:30pm with Joshua and Naaman,
two other friends. All three of us locked our bikes up across the
street at the Staples on Jackson. I locked up my bike with two u-locks
(yes, I know I’m paranoid) and one cheapo squiggly lock. Naaman locked
his bike up with his own squiggly lock and Joshua used his own u-lock
and line and then we also intertwined lines and squigglys. We went
upstairs to the penthouse and had some libations on the deck and headed
out again around 10:00pm. We came out of the building and as we walked
across the street, I noticed there were only two bikes locked up,
instead of three. At that exact moment, a man tried to ride away on my
buddy Naaman’s bike. Naaman yelled out at the dude, “Hey that’s my
bike!”
We surrounded the dude on the bike and, not in the friendliest of ways, removed his body from the bike. He said, “You got
the bike, what do you want?!”
At that point I went into a Viking berserker rage and yelled shit at the guy like, “You bike thief
motherfucker! Fuck you! I’m putting your ass in jail!” He looked at
me like he wanted to fight but I stood my ground. He began walking west
on Jackson and walked out into traffic. I did the same. I don’t know
what came over me but if there is a group of people I can’t stand, it’s
fucking bike thieves. As we were walking in traffic, I called the
police and gave a description of the man as I walked ten feet behind
him. He was getting pissed off and tried to walk into Mr. Greek’s but
since I had already created a scene with all my yelling, the door people
refused him entry as soon as he tried to walk into the restaurant.
Then he sat down in front of the restaurant.
The whole time I screamed bloody murder about him going to jail and how all he is, is a
thief. One of the bike thief’s buddies happened to be right there and
yelled at him and tells him to ,“Run, run, you gotta get out of here!”
His buddy looked at me and said, “He just got out of jail!”
I responded, “He’s a thief, I don’t care!” So the thief decided to head
south on Halsted. I still followed him, causing a commotion in front of
all the Greek Town restaurants and bars in a freaking rage. The guy
turned left down an alley and made another quick left. I followed him
but as I turned the corner, the dude was ready to fight. I guess his
plan was to try and dispatch me in the alley away from the public’s eye
and stop me from following him. He was slow and older and kinda out of
shape, so I was able to easily avoid his attempted assault. I yelled,
“You can’t fucking catch me! You’re old, slow and fat!” We continued
to follow him north through the alley and he tried charging me again and
again as I nimbly avoid his assault.
Six minutes had passed by that point and no CPD. I called 911 again and said the guy had tried to
assault me twice since the first call and told them to hurry. The guy
walked to Jackson again and headed east while I trailed behind him.
Most of the time Joshua was about fifty feet away making sure things
didn’t get hairy while Naaman watched all of our bikes. As the guy went
east on Jackson, he decided to jump down the bridge onto the grass
right near the expressway. In a moment of pure stupidity, this crazy
asshole then ran across two lanes of traffic on 90/94 and dashed under
the viaducts, which was when I made a third call to the police. At that
point I didn’t want to continue to follow him because I feared crossing
the expressway. For Christ’s sake, his fat ass could have pushed my
153 pound body into 90/94 traffic and instead of Little Phil, I would
then be Dead Phil or Flat Phil. He ran around underneath the viaducts
while I stayed above and tried not to lose sight of him.
After about ten minutes, the Chicago Police finally fucking showed up with one
SUV and four squad cars. I pointed to the last place I had seen him
under the bridge and the police followed my direction. The asshole
didn’t move and was caught red-handed. They put him in the SUV and
drove up to the Jackson Bridge where we had gathered. Naaman, Josh and I
were waiting there, with our bikes basking in street justice
vigilantism. The cops asked me to identify the man they caught. The
CPD opened up the car door with the motherfucker inside. All I said to
him was, “Hey, buddy” and he couldn’t even look me in the eye. He knew
he was caught. Ha Ha Ha. After I signed some paperwork and got a court
date set, we were good to go. The dude was charged with stealing two
bikes because he cut my squiggly bike locks and was also on Naaman’s
bike. Since the total value of both bikes added up to over $2000, the
guy is going to jail – without passing go! I can’t wait until October
28, when I get to see this asshole in court – I’m going to wave my
broken bike locks at him when they sentence his ass.
Bike Gang 1. Bike Thief 0 – and going to pound-me-in-the-ass jail.
Views: 648
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tank-Ridin' Ryan on
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Nothing wrong with wanting details on how a theft was carried out.
James Baum said:You aren't kidding that you are persistent!
:-D
H3N3 said:So, I was thinking about this, and started wondering what the thief actually used to cut the cables, and if that tool was sighted at all, or if there was none apparent, what may have happened to it . . .
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Permalink Reply by Far'arned Retrogrumpalunkus #63 on
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No, I agree, there is nothing wrong with it. I also would like more information on this. But I also think it is funny. He said he wasn't going away and he carried through with it! The internet is for laughing and humor and snark (and maybe pr0n). Howard makes me laugh (in a good way).
Tank-Ridin' Ryan said:Nothing wrong with wanting details on how a theft was carried out.
James Baum said:You aren't kidding that you are persistent!
:-D
H3N3 said:So, I was thinking about this, and started wondering what the thief actually used to cut the cables, and if that tool was sighted at all, or if there was none apparent, what may have happened to it . . .
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Permalink Reply by Little Phil on
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Just got back into town... Thanks for all the entertainment! ;)
ps... I only target black theives
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Oh sarcasm. (You weren't really entertained by all the responses.)
Little Phil said:Just got back into town... Thanks for all the entertainment! ;)
ps... I only target black theives
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Permalink Reply by Duppie on
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I guess it was quite disconcerting to realize that the chainlink is inhabited by more than just treehugging, PBR-swilling, Democrat voting, car-free bicycle advocates, huh?
I think it is just a statement to the real diversity of the bicycling community. Everyone does it for their own reasons. It should be cherished and cultivated. And no, that doesn't mean that I agree with his statement.
Marion said:I'm assuming that twist by which you turn history upside down and suggest that if someone steals from you, they make you their 'slave' (wtf, word choice?) is meant to be provocative only, so I won't get into why and how that is ignorant and offensive..but yes, you've made your point about what you think deserves the death penalty, sending out a gentle reminder about what kind of people flourish on internet message boards. Even if they're about alternative transportation.
James Baum said:I refuse to feel sorry for any thief. Jail is too good for them. I almost wish we used the sharia law method of dealing with thievery. First offense they take a hand. Second offense they take the other hand. Third offense is the head.
And the movie is called Bicycle Thief. It's a good movie and shows the social damage JUST ONE theft can do. Theivery should never be coddled. It should be dealt with harshly. Simple theft does so much damage to people who suffer from poverty. Using poverty as an excuse for theft is backward thinking in my opinion. It's the poor who suffer THE MOST from theft as they can't just go out and buy the item they had stolen again. They have to do without. Property is an extension of your Freedom as it takes WORK to accumulate money with which to buy Property. Stealing someone's property is tantamount to stealing that part of their life that they had to dedicate to earning that money to purchase said property. So stealing from someone is the same as turning them into your slave -forcing them to work and stealing the results of that work. How is that NOT slavery?
No, I don't feel sorry for slavers -or thieves, which I see as the same thing morally.
John Greenfield said:Yeah, this story does have a slight aftertaste of bummer. I definitely have
respect for Phil's bold actions to get the bike back and I'm glad the story has
a happy ending for him, and that there's one less bike thief on the streets.
On the other hand, it's hard not to feel a little sorry for the guy who's going
back to jail. Nobody forced him to steal bikes for money, but we really have
no idea what this guy's background is and how he found himself in this position.
It's possible he's dealing with addiction, mental illness and other issues most
of us don't have experience with. I'm guessing he was dealt a less-than-stellar
hand in life. Why would anyone choose to become a 40-year-old man snipping
bike cables for cash?
Perhaps a viewing of the film "Bicycle Thieves," where the well-intentioned
protagonist who needs a bike to get to work has his bike stolen, and in turn
attempts to steal a bike so he can feed his family, might put this case in
perspective.
John Greenfield
Marion said:Wow. This many words and so much enthusiasm for putting a black man back into jail.
I mean, I'm happy for you that you have your bike back, but I wish that was the happy occasion, and not that you put someone back into the prison complex.
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har har
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Bumpin' to the top for those who are interested.
Update - CPD called and said that court is today, not tomorrow like the original ticket said. (go figure)
Secondly, they said that if he shows up to court that they will throw out the misdemeanor charges and upgrade them to felony charges and re-arrest him under the new charges on the spot due to the value of the bikes. If he doesn't show up there will be a warrant issued for his arrest. The officer said that this guy has a long extensive criminal record...
end transmission
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Permalink Reply by dan brown on
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can you post the court details (address / courtroom / time) here ?
or can you send to me privately then ?
I would like to attend if my schedule allows
thanks
Little Phil said:Bumpin' to the top for those who are interested.
Update - CPD called and said that court is today, not tomorrow like the original ticket said. (go figure)
Secondly, they said that if he shows up to court that they will throw out the misdemeanor charges and upgrade them to felony charges and re-arrest him under the new charges on the spot due to the value of the bikes. If he doesn't show up there will be a warrant issued for his arrest. The officer said that this guy has a long extensive criminal record...
end transmission
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Permalink Reply by Michele on
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My bicycle was stolen from the backyard of a friend in west Rogers Park on a Sunday morning a couple years ago. Called 911 - anything that has just happened or is happening (however minor) is 911 -- and cops found the thief riding around on it. Of course, he claimed to have just gotten it from some else. They could probably only get him on possession of stolen property since no one witnessed the theft. Lucky for me that the CPD did its job because my saddlebag also had my ID, cell, and debit card in it.
I have been to court now twice and he skipped twice, digging himself into a bigger hole when he gets caught again. Court was very sad. Low life misdemeanor court. I sat there as case after case was called. Most charges were dismissed because the victims didn't show. I wondered what difference a conviction would really make. Would the guy reform his life? I kinda doubt it.
Now, I wonder whether I'll ever get another call from the State's Attorney's Office.
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Permalink Reply by Vilda on
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So what was the resolution Little Phil? I'm guessing Bench Warrant - maybe 8k? ;-)
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'Martin' got re-arrested because the CPD fucked the report... Now instead of 1 count, he's got four... Criminal damage to my locks, attempted stealing of my bike, being on my friends bike, trying to assault me twice.... This is a fucking headache... The teenager in me says I should have just u-locked him in the head and called it a day.
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Permalink Reply by Rick norris on
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So when is the next court date? And do you know if this guy out now, or is he sitting in jail for a while longer
Little Phil said:'Martin' got re-arrested because the CPD fucked the report... Now instead of 1 count, he's got four... Criminal damage to my locks, attempted stealing of my bike, being on my friends bike, trying to assault me twice.... This is a fucking headache... The teenager in me says I should have just u-locked him in the head and called it a day.
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