No, this isn't about admitting to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. It's about riding to Three Floyds and boosting our cognitive function every month this year!

Dark Lord is a gargantuan Russian Style Imperial Stout, with a reverse cascading head that starts out billowing the color of burnt oil like the Dark Lord rising from the black primordial beginnings. Its resonant vinous aroma has been described as cherries, sweet malt, molasses, burnt currants, plums with a port wine alcohol undertow. Mochachino notes buried within. Motor oil consistency, hellishly smooth yet divinely burnt and vinous. The first sip coats your palate with a palatial charred fruit and chocolate blanket. Alcohol burn wiggles its way down your throat with a thick body.

Dark Lord Day is the only time and place to acquire bottles of 3 Floyds' demonic Dark Lord and rare barrel-aged Dark Lord variants. The annual festival also includes a metal show and the chance to sample beers with the most extreme craft beer fans from around the world. The festival requires a ticket (but the ride doesn't). The name on the ticket must match the government issued ID of the ticket holder.

Meet at 7 at Intelligentsia Broadway to wake up and caffeinate. We take Barry east and the lakefront trail south. Feel free to join up anywhere along the trail. Just let us know where so we can look for you.

35 miles total if you ride one-way and get picked up, 42 if you ride to Hammond and take the South Shore Line, 45 if you ride to Flossmoor Station and take the Metra, 50 if you ride to 93rd and take the Metra or to 100th and take the J14, 55 if you ride to 71st and take the J14, 70 if you ride all the way. 15-18 mph. Bring money, government-issued ID, a lock, your ticket, water and snacks to have en route, and panniers for your Dark Lord and rare Dark Lord variant.

Online resources: Google map, cue sheet, South Shore Line schedule, Metra Electric train schedules, Jeffrey Jump (J14) bus schedule, Bikes on the South Shore Line, Bikes on the Metra, Bikes on the Bus, and, to save a minute at the start, the nifty online CCC waiver.

PS: I give these rides these names because I find them humorous in an ironic way. It's not my intent to make light of addictions, efforts to recover from addictions, or 12-step peer support groups like AA. If you're trying to drink in moderation, we'll support you. If you're trying to abstain, you may want to give this ride a pass.