This is highly entertaining in a charmingly Brit way, and it may prove helpful. I'm nearly convinced about the ball bearings.

 

http://blog.brooksengland.com/wps/„the-seat-didnt-get-stolen-by-its...

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Good read.  Now I want to cover my bike completely in wax.
Just make sure it's black wax, so the cars can't see you. It's also much more "metal".
Dip your bike in ball bearings before the wax sets for extra-super security. Also adds a funky donut-with-sprinkles aesthetic.

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